Sure, an excuse to get dressed up like a trashy whore is always fun but you know what? I can do that any old night. The only thing I like about Halloween is the opportunity to wear old-fashioned non-scary masks and something that shows absolutely no skin at all, which no one seems to do anymore since the dominant costumes of today are strippers and pole dancers.
You know what I hate most though? I hate that Halloween decor has become tacky. There. I said it. Rubber spiders, fake cobwebs, toothless pumpkins and weird fake hands poking out of closets are decorations? Really??? That's supposed to be scary? It should be replaced with bed bugs, dust bunnies, the toothless homeless man who lives in my subway station and the weird fake lips on Lindsey Lohan. That's terrifying!
Whatever happened to the traditions of Halloween? Before children dressed up like Avatar and begged for candy, people used to offer prayers for the dead in exchange for fruit and cakes. When children went guising they wouldn't shove their hand into their neighbor's faces expecting a pile of king-size snickers, they'd offer up a few jokes or a silly poem to earn their keep. And instead of plastic pumpkins from Rite Aid, the 'donations' were collected in carved out turnips.
All this sounds much better to me than yelling 'trick or treat!' which is just silly because who ever offers a 'trick' besides dads who are trying to be funny?
No, Halloween just isn't like it used to be in the good old days.
That's why I'd like to propose something new for Halloween: a classy All Hallow's Eve Ball.
Here are the rules:
|via Habitually Chic|
|papilles et pupilles via The Kitchn|