It's DeCAFFinated!

Pals, it's that time in the afternoon when I want to go to sleep because I have worked so hard*. Usually by now I have read essentially the entire internet and I just want to go home, change into my home pants and watch TV like it is my job. This is also the point in my day when I have a conversation with myself that goes something like this:

Mia

OMG I'm sooo tired. I don't know how I can possibly continue wasting my time for the next two hours at work. Oh I know, I'll go get some  coffee! That sweet delicious nectar will save my life and automatically I will be revitalized and work will become more bearable!

Mia

Don't you dare! How stupid can you be? It's 3pm! You'll be up all night!

Mia

How dare you question my decisions! Shut up, cow!

Mia

But Mia, think clearly. You know you will just stay up until 2am watching old celebrity commercials on Youtube. And then at 3am you'll decide to scrub your bathtub and then at 4am you'll try on your old prom dress and cry for a while about how it won't zip up. And then at 5am you will start doing sit ups to remedy that situation and then when your alarm goes off at 6am you will cry and die.

Mia

Girl, shut your whore mouth! I must have coffee! And a donut! This is the best idea ever! I'm going to twirl now! Weeeeeeeee!

 
And then I get both a coffee and a donut and inevitably regret all of it later on around the time I am weeping uncontrollably in my prom dress.

PS. Have you seen Lauren Bacall's 1981 commercials for High Point coffee? I discovered them while I was in college and they are amazing. Watch them all! Fun fact: Emma Stone's character quoted them in Crazy, Stupid, Love. 

*I do not work hard.

I Get Mad, Bitches! (A Rant)

If these were my panties, they'd be in a twist.

I don't know if you know this, but life is fucking hard. And sometimes living in this city is hard too.

There are aspects of this city that I love with a passion that rivals my all-encompassing adoration of Ryan Gosling. Like the fact that if you have nothing to do and no money, you can go to a museum for free on a Friday night and if you flirt with the bartender they will give you a free drink to sip while you amuse yourself with some abstract expressionism for a while. (Although you think you acquired said drink because of your cleavage or insane flirting skills, it will most likely be because it is an open bar and therefore the bartender is required to give you a drink. Either way, score!) No longer do you have to sit at home with your cat watching You've Got Mail in unflattering sweatpants, placing your nightly call for Chinese take-out because you are single and therefore required to only ever eat Chinese food and always the same order which your local restaurant has memorized, much to your chagrin. New York City is a goldmine for single people, really it is. But you know what else it is? It is a fucking pain in the ass. And this doesn't just go for single people.

There are times when it is hard to leave your apartment without acquiring a thick coating of wrath that will inevitably grow thicker as the day drones on. A million little annoyances will accumulate until you have two choices: you drink a lot or you become a hater. If life is extra hard, you do both.

Take this morning, when I left my apartment and the truck parked right outside sprayed some brown sludge on me and I was all 'fuck you, truck!' and then I got on the subway and witnessed not one but 3 separate incidences of people acting like asshats towards one another. I mean, yeah, it's Monday, the worst of days, and inexplicably humid out even though it is technically supposed to be "warm cider season" but does that really give people an excuse to shove one another or start yelling at someone simply because they are offended by the song they hear them playing on their ipod or become a gargantuan bitch because someone's bag on a SEVERELY CROWDED TRAIN just happens to be grazing their left thigh even though, hello you dumb cow, there is an entire FOOT of empty space in front of you into which you could move to avoid said bag?!?

Deep breaths.

Even after I got off the subway, thinking I could shrug off my commute with a strong cup of coffee, I had to wait while a disgruntled middle-aged hag lambasted the poor coffee cart guy, insisting that he dented her doughnut and must now provide her with a new doughnut and ALSO a free second doughnut because her doughnuts are precious god damn it and shouldn't be man-handled and while she was at it, her coffee was chocolate and not toffee-colored as she had specified so she needed a new coffee too with the correct amount of cream. Nevermind the 16 people lined up behind her who were already late to work, myself included.

Suffice it to say, this has not been an I <3 NY kind of day.

there are lots of nice people to meet by laura george

You know, I happen to be from a nice small town where people are genuinely kind to one another. Sure, they may gather in coffee shops to slander one another or spread vicious lies every now and then but there is a pretty strict code of feigned pleasantry and a general rule to be nice to people, at least to their faces. I appreciate this. It makes life rather nice. I'm sure it doesn't take any additional energy, certainly not as much as it took that woman to shove me out of the way this morning instead of simply saying 'excuse me'.  Why is it so hard to be nice to strangers on a train? Or on the street? Or in a store? Or at the coffee cart?

I'll tell you where all this leads: This leads to chaos. Because you know how I felt when I got off the train this morning? I felt like I wanted to kick someone. Hard. The kind of kick where they fall on the ground and then I pretend like 'oops! you totally just tripped on my small little foot and I can't believe you fell down and I'm just POSITIVE you've done nothing to deserve that at all! carry on, carry on.'. But I didn't kick anyone. Instead, I let it fester until I could recharge myself with two glasses of prosecco and some popcorn cooked in duck fat (awesome! not gross at all!). So I guess, in the end, I salvaged the day. But if anyone crosses me on the train tomorrow,  there will be blood.


Images: La Perla, Laura George

Dining Room Rant

Here is what is unfair: If you live in New York City and you are not a billionaire, it is unlikely that you can afford an apartment with a separate formal dining room.

You know why this sucks? Because you can't host a proper traditional Thanksgiving meal complete with centerpieces and a family riot. But ALSO because you don't get the joy of decorating it! Look at this table and chairs! Look at that lamp! Look at the freaking wall art!

My current dining room is the small corner between the living room and my refrigerator. It is also directly in front of the door to our apartment and therefore it acts as a catch-all for mail and other detritus of daily life. Plus, randomly, our seltzer maker. I've always wanted a dining room because when I was younger we ate at our coffee table unless it was Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter and I hated it. I wanted a formal place setting and multiple glasses and flowers on the table! I wanted to practice my mastery of which fork goes with which course, etc!

So you can see why it is so disappointing to be in this predicament. Sure, I can eat a proper meal at my dining room table. But it will be to the hum of the refrigerator, not the chatter of my incredibly interesting and intelligent dinner guests and smooth jazz.  And god help us if someone happens to enter the apartment while we are eating because they will basically walk straight into our meal and chaos will ensue. Oh woe is me.


Image: roygbiv via my little apartment

!!Stripes!!

My love of stripes is getting out of control.

Image: DecorPad via. The Decorista

Moving is Hard Y'all!

Well we've survived two weeks in our new apartment and despite several set backs, (no window screens, no cable or internet, a fire alarm that goes off even if you are only boiling water) we are loving our new abode! The whole moving process was, in retrospect, not so bad. I thought I'd share some moving advice as someone who has moved a grand total of 14 times in the last 16 years. (Yes, I also count all the summers I had to move from one side of campus to another in college. It takes mad skills to carry large crates of textbooks across a quad, people!)

The best advice I can give when it comes to moving is to keep up the momentum. Start packing early and then don't stop until you have unpacked as much as possible once you get to the other side. There is no reason to be living in utter chaos for longer than a weekend. Above is a picture of my room the day after we moved in. Still a disaster zone but only a few boxes left!

The week(s) before you move, get rid of as much stuff as possible. Moving is horrible and awful and just plain no good BUT it does give you the opportunity to reassess what you own and why. I threw away or donated a lot of items ahead of time and it felt glorious. That ugly fruit bowl that I'd inherited from my parents? Curbed! Those hideous throw pillows I hid in the ottoman? Garbage! Those ill-fitting jeans I used to wear just because I was too lazy to buy more? GONE! As a result, everything in our new apartment is something that truly belongs there and we aren't weighed down by 12 boxes of magazines we won't read.  Another word of advice: color code your boxes as you pack. I used different colored sharpies to identify the contents of each box and which room it belonged in and that made it easier to separate everything once we were in the new space.

On moving day, do yourself a favor and hire movers. Sure, convincing your friends to help out in exchange for beer is cheaper but how much do you trust your friends when it comes to moving fragile furniture or electronic equipment? Hire professionals who will do everything for you and then you won't have to worry about anything. Also, let's be honest here, your friends don't want to help you move. As awesome as you are, no one wants to carry your 50 lb TV up four flights of stairs unless they are getting paid for it with real money. No amount of beer and pizza is going to be worth the ensuing back pain and your friends would probably just complain about it to their other friends. By hiring movers, you can also spare them the effort of coming up with a plausible excuse for why they won't be available that day.

Once you are safely ensconced in your new house or apartment try to resist the urge to arrange your boxes into an elaborate fort and pretend you are in a giant Nintendo game. Instead, get to work! Sure, you're probably exhausted by this point because if you are like me, you stayed up all night frantically shoving stuff into boxes and worrying that your last roll of tape was going to run out at any moment, but don't stop believing! Keep on keepin' on! Walk through that storm! Unpack as many boxes as you can right away and don't think about all the time you spent packing them in the first place because that will only make you depressed and send you running to your new local bar. Chug some Red Bull like the champion you are and tear through that shit. Seriously. It will be the most rewarding moment of your life when you have filled a cabinet with your dishes and already three boxes are unpacked.

Unpack and arrange your kitchen first. Why? Because I said so. But also because it's easy. You already know where stuff should go: In cabinets. Appliances on the counter. Cutlery in drawers. Blammo!

Next do your bathroom. Also easy. Hang up a shower curtain, throw your toothbrush on the sink and unpack some toilet paper. Done! Don't you feel so productive!?!

The living room and bedrooms are harder and I like to leave the bedroom last because that's the most sacred space but also because it involves arranging and organizing books and clothes which is the Worst.

Important---> Don't phone it in. Use this opportunity to organize your new space and do it well! Don't shove things in closets thinking you'll find a home for them later. You won't. It will all stay in that closet until you move again and then you'll feel bad about yourself. Instead, take the extra 10 minutes to figure out where that vase or lamp should go and then put it there.

Also Important---> Keep a running list of stuff you need for the apartment. Who ever thinks to buy a new toilet brush in advance? No one. Tape a big piece of paper to your fridge and as you run around unpacking like a mad man/woman, cursing yourself for throwing away the ice cube trays, write stuff down!

Within a few days, you should be comfortably settled in your new place. We were because I'm awesome and also sort of like a crazy dictator when it comes to moving. Don't think it is OK to unpack DVDs 'next week'. Unacceptable. Do it now.

Don't fret about decorating. That comes with time and it's OK to keep your artwork propped against an empty wall for the time-being. You have to get a feel for the space before you make any monumental decorating decisions anyway. Even though we're all settled in, we've decided to wait a few weeks before we tackle larger projects like hanging art work and buying rugs. I feel OK about this because at least I know where my DVDs are!

Pictures and progress reports soon!

Photo Courtesy of: Mia G for w*ink

Color Conundrum

Lately I have been fretting that my bedroom is too girlie. Sure, a little frill is delightful and a few pops of pink are good for the soul, just ask Diana Vreeland. But do I really need the pink floral duvet cover? Or the giant mass of gold and crystal necklaces hanging on my wall? How about the sequined shirt hanging next to my dresser or the pile of (rarely worn) high heels lining one whole wall? Kids, it might be time for a change. Big time. It might be time to embrace neutrals and an altogether more tailored look.

Paul's studio was featured over on Apartment Therapy last week and I have bookmarked several photos for my inspiration board. It's the perfect blend of sophistication and style yet is reasonably unisex. Little accents like flowers and candles soften the tones and his well-edited art and accessories tie the entire space together. Paul also restricted himself to a simple neutral color scheme-with the exception of one bright red wall- and that's a very simple way to automatically ensure the room looks intentionally put together and elegant.

Check out the rest of his studio HERE. 

Images: Apartment Therapy

Pet Peeves

I realize I am only an amateur designer and the only portfolio I have is in my head but when it comes to design, I have a lot of opinions. In fact, I have so many opinions and pet peeves that I've decided to compile a list. In the interest of time and also your attention span, I'll spare you the full list and stick to the highlights.

1) Art work that isn't the right size for the wall

What's the tiny thing next to the door? This simply will not do.

 All too often I see framed art that doesn't quite take up enough space and this annoys me.  When I see a small painting all by itself on a large, long wall I start to feel nervous and my eyes dart around the room looking for companions to hang next to or around it. People. If you have a large expanse of space, fill it up! Take a chance and blow up a photograph until it is so large it practically looks pixelated. Create a gallery of matching prints or hang a bunch of unrelated items a la Kate Spade's showroom. In the long run, your walls will have more visual impact and your space will feel homier and more sophisticated.

Much better, no?

2) Rooms that are too 'matchy', AKA 'theme rooms'

Something is not right! Something is quite wrong!

This really drives me crazy. I grew up watching HGTV and other design shows and while their tastes and range have improved over the years, I am concerned by the lingering attitude that a room has 'style' and is 'decorated' simply because everything in the room is coordinated. This does not show any personality nor does it show you have any taste. This only shows that you can make things match. That's just lazy decorating if you ask me! Your space will be a thousand times more interesting if there is a variety of color. Your rooms have your stuff in it and this stuff hopefully took years to accumulate! I certainly hope you have not spent the last 10 years buying things that are only Tiffany blue and chocolate brown. Decorating should be an organic process and it can take years. It should not be completed in an afternoon at HomeGoods.(Though I love me some HomeGoods.)

I know. There's a lot going on here. But isn't it exciting?!? There's so much to look at!

3) Lack of pattern and texture

Good bones but too white! And too sparse! And PLEASE buy an accent rug!

One of my former employers decided that my style is decidedly "English" because I like a lot of texture and layers and for everything to be crowded together. While she was referring to flowers, I think this also applies to my style in interior design. I adore pattern and texture. They are stimulating and sophisticated and oh so versatile. The bolder the better. Rooms that lack both pattern and texture just look flat and boring. They feel cold, like a waiting room. Even the smallest hint of pattern can make all the difference in a room so if you can't quite commit to bright colors or a big floral rug or toile wallpaper, start small and introduce patterned pillows for your couch or textured placements or tablecloths, which can be changed when you get bored. Even the smallest little touches can make all the difference.

Rooms don't require bright colors to add depth. These neutral colors emphasize the subtle patterns.

4) The 'Build a Room' Technique

This room is lovely but seriously lacks personality.

Everyone has at least one friend who is guilty of going to one store and buying the bulk of their furniture and decorative items all at once. In the age of Ikea and CB2, this isn't the worst you can do. But please for the love of god, spend the rest of your days adding in some variety so I don't walk into your house and think I have stepped into a catalog. At some point I will drink too much and start referring to your furniture by their store-given names. Do you mind if I perch on the edge of your Karlstad? Wow, I didn't know the Triumph Lounge Chair came in this color! It will happen. I promise you.

I love the variety of style and substance in this dining room.

Last but not least...

5) Design Trends

Just a few recent trends...

Hey, I love faux bois, coral and cardboard antlers as much as the next girl but if you have too many trendy items all at once, it begins to feel like you decorated with a list.  Danish Modern console? Check.  Eames Chair? Check. Birch Tree Wallpaper? In every room. I'm not saying I'm against any of these things or that I haven't fallen for at least three trends every single year but there is a line that must be drawn somewhere. Your home should be a reflection of you and your style and tastes.Who else has your taste? No one, that's who.

Let's also be honest here: sometimes we buy stuff because it is fashionable, not because it necessarily fits us. (Ahem, Skinny Jeans) God knows I love me some rainbow-colored bookshelves but they are not for everyone or for every room.  While they might look amazing against your white walls, surrounded by your neutral couch and love seat, they would look completely out of place in my living room, where they would compete with the other colors and patterns in the room. Also? Don't waste your money on something that you might get sick of in a year or two once it goes out of fashion. Books can be rearranged and that lucite chair from Ikea can be sold on Craiglist but that coat rack with a giant mustache on it that was on virtually every blog ever? In another six months no one is going to want that shit. Your tastes will change from time to time but unless you can afford to redecorate as often as you replace your toothbrush, I'd stick to stuff you know you will want to have around for forever. And by 'forever' I mean 'until you have to move and decide to overhaul your entire style from scratch'.

Images: Elle Decor, The Home Show, Domino, Real Simple, Living, Etc,  CB2, Apartment Theray, My Deco

monday is the darkest day

I don't know about you but despite the relatively sunny weather here in NYC, I am in a horrendous mood. All I really want to do is crawl back into bed or glue myself to the couch and read trashy novels until I pass out around, say, 8pm. I would like to skip today entirely because then I can at least begin obsessing over the predicted snowfall and start praying for a snow day on Wednesday.

Maybe the answer is to go home and make this Meyer Lemon Whiskey Sour?!?

Meyer Lemon Whiskey Sour
makes one cocktail
1 1/2 ounces whiskey (rye or bourbon)
1 ounce freshly squeezed Meyer lemon juice
1/4 to 1/2 ounce simple syrup*, according to taste
Maraschino cherry for optional garnish
(*If you don't have simple syrup on hand already, no worries - it's super easy. Just equal parts sugar and water heated in a saucepan on the stove. You can make some in about 5 minutes with this recipe here.)
Place all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake vigorously and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with a Maraschino cherry.

Image (and recipe): The Kitchn

Toys: A Short History

How cute is this pillow sold by verovero studio on Etsy? I have been obsessing over it for weeks. Wouldn't it be cute on my bed? Or is it too cutesy, like a stuffed animal?

I have a confession: I hate stuffed animals.

I've always hated them.

It started when I was a wee child and my grandmother gave me a hand-made sock monkey which terrified the bejesus out of me. Everyday I would throw the monkey as far away as I could, which usually meant the top shelf of my mother's closet and everyday she would find it and return it to my room. The next day I would discover it taunting me from my dresser. I was pretty sure the damn thing was possessed and flew back into my room to ruin my life forever. Just like the clown in The Poltergeist, which I had pretended to like at a sleepover but from which I still have not recovered to this day.

From the ages of 4-7 I was presented with teddy bears and numerous barnyard animals and each one was tossed aside or given to my little sister. Who has use for such things? I was much more interested in my growing costume collection and the prospect of turning my bedroom into Barbie's Dream House. In Junior High I quickly learned that my disdain for such toys was not something my friends at school shared so I had to fake a love of stuffed animals for several years, a move which was not as smart in retrospect as my feigned enthusiasm led to a cavalcade of stuffed lions and tigers and bears at every birthday party. Fail. Still, I couldn't reveal my true feelings. Don't even get me started on the whole Beanie Baby phenomenon.

In High School my best friend and I ran away to NYC for a day and though I specifically tried to avoid it, we wound up at FAO Schwartz where I spent probably $50 on a small stuffed pig I named Hamlet. I gave him to the little boy I babysat and then told my friend he actually stole it. Kids can be assholes, ya know?

There has been only one exception in my life: my stuffed dog Tiffany. Tiffany was an actual dog owned by my grandmother and in reality, I liked her only a little. She lived in CT while I lived in MN and when I came to visit she drooled all over me, which usually ruined my outfit. She died when I was 8 and, having never dealt with death before, I locked myself in my room for several hours and listed to Eleanor Rigby and wore black because that was what the Victorians did. My grandmother felt bad and so she bought me a stuffed cocker spaniel named Tiffany to replace her. The real Tiffany was a golden retriever but whatever. Thanks for the thought, Nana. Anyway, my new Tiffany is basically a fur-covered bolster pillow and I am accustomed to the nice lump she makes under my pillow at night and I adore her. I even pretended not to be heart-broken when my mother's evil dog bit off her little leather nose when I was 16. Even though I have never been into stuffed animals or the idea that a grown woman should EVER have them in her house especially if she is single, I still keep her close and can't bring myself to get rid of her.  I have even considered inserting her into a bolster pillow-cover so she would be more socially acceptable but is that crazy? Yes, I think it is.

Also, how bonkers would I be if I had this pillow AND a stuffed dog at 28? Is that just asking to be ushered over into crazy cat lady territory and inducted into the spinster club? Perhaps I should aim for something a little sexier than bunnies and puppies.

Question: What is the sexy version of bunnies and puppies?

Image: verovero studio

Fly, butterfly, Fly!

One of my best friends in college went through a period where she wore head-to-toe pink-glittery pink eyeshadow, tank top, sweater, scarf, jacket, pants, shoes. Pink. Pink. Pink.

I loved her look. She made a statement. She was saying 'Pink is my favorite color'. (Aerosmith's 'Pink' was literally her favorite song.) Sometimes I prefer a little more surprise in my aesthetic statements. Sometimes I want normal, normal, normal, NOT NORMAL. For example, my junior year prom dress was a deep Indian teal with hot pink crinoline that really came in handy when it was time to can-can. (I joke. I spent most of my prom hanging out in the bathroom and huddled in a corner drinking peach schnapps we had stolen from our parents' poorly stocked liquor cabinets) At other times, I am perfectly happy to wear something completely ridiculous because I have EMBRACED the weird. Like the sequined top in the shape of a butterfly I wore for New Years a few years ago. God I love that top.

I'm not sure if you know this about me but sometimes I can be dramatic.

This living room is my sequined butterfly top. There is nothing subtle about it. From the giant window to the oversize ottoman, ornate mirror and floral wallpaper, this room screams 'I AM A GIRL'. It's the type of room I gravitate toward because it is bold and glamorous but have to make a conscious effort to stay away from because though I am hyper-feminine in my tastes, I dream of living in an apartment that is still somewhat gender neutral. You know, the type of place devoid of doillies and stuffed animals and 40,000 throw pillows that sends boys running.

Sigh. It's so hard being me.

Image: LivingEtc

If only it put a roof over my head...

What on god's green earth was Orla Kiely thinking when she designed this new furniture collection? Like I don't already have my hands full saving up for one of her fabulous bags! Now I have to add this beautiful side table to the mix!?!

Grrr.

Luckily for me, the furniture is sold only in Britain through Heal's and it also costs £495.00. That's almost $870!! Excluding S & H. So basically I could either buy this table or I could pay my rent.

Tempting....

Image: Orla Kiely via  Heal's

quest for the holy grail of jewelry boxes

Probably the only thing I would ever own that could be categorized as 'Safari'. 

A Sephora train case. Who knew?

This is ok. I like the medium red one the best and think the tassel is ingenious. But is it for me?

Embarrassingly enough, this is a Marc Jacobs for Sephora train case. Good storage though.

Love the Mirrors. Hate the decorative accents.

Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I am a huge fan of accessorizing. Day or night, rain or shine, black-tie or black sweat pants, I will accessorize accordingly. I even accessorize during heat waves when it's painful to even wear underpants. I am that committed to the larger picture of fashion. But how and where does one store all this bejeweled wonderment? 

One of my current conundrums in life is my jewelry storage situation. It's not that I need anything special-- most of my jewelry is not worth more than $30 --but right now it is all stored in colorful tupperware containers on my bookshelf and that is just not acceptable. (I should also mention that my more valuable ring collection currently resides in an old Altoids tin on my nightstand.) 

I seem to be excessively picky when it comes to jewelry boxes. I am the Goldilocks of accessory repositories. I've had the usual suspects before: the regulation unicorn music box when I was 8 (Damn that was good!) followed by a more sophisticated Italian music box that played Phantom of the Opera when I was 13 and then a decoupaged cigar box in high school that finally kicked the bucket a year ago. My main problem is that it must be a box of some some sort and it must fit my considerable reserve. I detest any kind of earring or necklace stand or rack because I firmly believe that jewelry should be viewed only when worn, not hung on display where anyone can ogle your goods. 

Hunting around for the perfect vessel to house my collection, I have come across many promising candidates but nothing that screams 'YOU MUST OWN ME IMMEDIATELY'.  Above are some of the contenders. So now I defer to you, dear friends.  Thoughts? Suggestions? Your own musings on how ridiculous my problems are these days?? 

Images: (from top) Sephora, Pottery Barn, Sephora and Urban Outfitters