Storytime: Sad Truth Edition

via Louis Vuitton

A wise man once said, You can't always get what you want. That man was Mick Jagger (DUH) and he was correct. Also he sang it ,which means it must be extra true.

Back in July, when I was young and full of hope, I announced to my two readers that I would be moving and getting my own place and then treated everyone to a list of things I would have in my super shiny, adorable first apartment here in New York City.  I felt like Mary Tyler Moore, exuberantly tossing my hat up into the air with newfound independence.

I was going to make it after all, god damn it.

But then, life happened.

My moving date was set for Sept 29th. New tenants were scheduled to move in a few days later. Despite months of planning and saving, I still struggled to save enough money to accommodate the initial moving and broker costs. Brokers were standing me up or presenting me with apartments listed at several hundred dollars over my target rental price. One broker flat out laughed at my expectation that I'd find something reasonable that didn't look like a rape den. My moving date was rapidly approaching and I was finding fewer and fewer listings in my price range and desired neighborhoods, even though I'd branched out to consider neighborhoods I'd barely heard of. With only two weeks to go and no movers booked, I started frantically emailing people with rooms to rent.

 'I'll just save money by having a roommate and then I'll also treat myself to something fun like customized upholstered cushions for my armchair. That will make it worth it', I told myself. I am a person who appreciates consolation prizes.

I emailed about 50 people who had posted ads on Craigslist. I received maybe a dozen responses. One of them was an offer of a small furnished room in exchange for topless massages. I was able to set up appointments to look at a handful of apartments but most of the people who originally responded never followed up. I was promised a room and then the renter changed their mind not once, but TWICE.

That's right. Disappointed and rejected two times.

Now, I'm a responsible, fully-employed adult who is friendly and fairly down-to-earth. I have verifiable income. I don't look like a serial killer. I don't smoke or do drugs.  I don't come with a rider of outrageous demands. I won over my first roommate by wearing a cool necklace. A NECKLACE.

When did the nyc housing market become more competitive than the job market or the dating market? I had Plan A (to get my own place) and Plan B (to find a new roommate) and I'd made peace with the fact that Plan A was not feasible with my current income and in this market, unless I wanted to live somewhere so far out that you have to take a bus just to get to the subway. Or else live next to the airport. I was ready to accept the realities of having a roommate again, but now even that wasn't working out?!

The clock was ticking!
The hourglass was emptying!
Another dramatic metaphor for running out of time!

Finally, with two days to go before I was to vacate my apartment, I gave up.

I hired movers to take all my stuff to a storage unit, I packed a duffel bag and I went to a friend's apartment. (PLAN C, otherwise previously known as 'Plan C but that will NEVER HAPPEN oh my god can you even IMAGINE?!)

You know you are blessed with some amazing friends when they are willing to take you in when you literally have no place to live and are so exhausted you keep breaking out in fits of maniacal laughter because the situation got so hilariously out of hand. If my friends weren't so awesome, I would have had to move in with my parents in the suburbs of CT and endure the soul-sucking commute on Metro North each morning. And then I would have gotten sick of that and quit my job to start a new life on my parents' couch, spending my days making crappy art work to sell on etsy while I worked on 'finding myself'. Thankfully, I was saved by one such amazing friend (and several others, whose guest rooms and couches I will be visiting soon.)

Obviously, things could have been much worse and I am thankful for the things I have and the people around me and know that despite some set backs, I will be fine. All this is true. But let me tell you, these have been some dark times. It's hard when the life you envisioned for yourself doesn't match up with what the world has in store for you. That's so cliche I want to punch myself in the neck for even typing it but it's also true.

So that is why there are no posts about my new apartment and adventures decorating it. No fun DIYs or dramatic unveilings. No makeovers or diagrams or wishlists.

For now, I'm regrouping and taking some time to figure out what my priorities are. The silver lining of this whole situation is now that I don't have a set moving date to adhere to, I can take my time to find the right solution whether that means finding someone with a room to rent, finding a roommate to search for an apartment with or finding my own place. Perhaps I simply wasn't meant to have my own apartment yet. Perhaps I wasn't meant to live with the girl who is a nudist (no judgement) or the couple that preferred I shower at the gym instead of in their bathroom. Perhaps I would have settled for something that would have turned out to be less than ideal, just because I was running out of time.

Perhaps time is actually what I really needed. Which means Mick Jaggar was correct, Sometimes you can't always get what you want.

But you get what you need.

(See what I did there?)

I Get Mad, Bitches! (A Rant)

If these were my panties, they'd be in a twist.

I don't know if you know this, but life is fucking hard. And sometimes living in this city is hard too.

There are aspects of this city that I love with a passion that rivals my all-encompassing adoration of Ryan Gosling. Like the fact that if you have nothing to do and no money, you can go to a museum for free on a Friday night and if you flirt with the bartender they will give you a free drink to sip while you amuse yourself with some abstract expressionism for a while. (Although you think you acquired said drink because of your cleavage or insane flirting skills, it will most likely be because it is an open bar and therefore the bartender is required to give you a drink. Either way, score!) No longer do you have to sit at home with your cat watching You've Got Mail in unflattering sweatpants, placing your nightly call for Chinese take-out because you are single and therefore required to only ever eat Chinese food and always the same order which your local restaurant has memorized, much to your chagrin. New York City is a goldmine for single people, really it is. But you know what else it is? It is a fucking pain in the ass. And this doesn't just go for single people.

There are times when it is hard to leave your apartment without acquiring a thick coating of wrath that will inevitably grow thicker as the day drones on. A million little annoyances will accumulate until you have two choices: you drink a lot or you become a hater. If life is extra hard, you do both.

Take this morning, when I left my apartment and the truck parked right outside sprayed some brown sludge on me and I was all 'fuck you, truck!' and then I got on the subway and witnessed not one but 3 separate incidences of people acting like asshats towards one another. I mean, yeah, it's Monday, the worst of days, and inexplicably humid out even though it is technically supposed to be "warm cider season" but does that really give people an excuse to shove one another or start yelling at someone simply because they are offended by the song they hear them playing on their ipod or become a gargantuan bitch because someone's bag on a SEVERELY CROWDED TRAIN just happens to be grazing their left thigh even though, hello you dumb cow, there is an entire FOOT of empty space in front of you into which you could move to avoid said bag?!?

Deep breaths.

Even after I got off the subway, thinking I could shrug off my commute with a strong cup of coffee, I had to wait while a disgruntled middle-aged hag lambasted the poor coffee cart guy, insisting that he dented her doughnut and must now provide her with a new doughnut and ALSO a free second doughnut because her doughnuts are precious god damn it and shouldn't be man-handled and while she was at it, her coffee was chocolate and not toffee-colored as she had specified so she needed a new coffee too with the correct amount of cream. Nevermind the 16 people lined up behind her who were already late to work, myself included.

Suffice it to say, this has not been an I <3 NY kind of day.

there are lots of nice people to meet by laura george

You know, I happen to be from a nice small town where people are genuinely kind to one another. Sure, they may gather in coffee shops to slander one another or spread vicious lies every now and then but there is a pretty strict code of feigned pleasantry and a general rule to be nice to people, at least to their faces. I appreciate this. It makes life rather nice. I'm sure it doesn't take any additional energy, certainly not as much as it took that woman to shove me out of the way this morning instead of simply saying 'excuse me'.  Why is it so hard to be nice to strangers on a train? Or on the street? Or in a store? Or at the coffee cart?

I'll tell you where all this leads: This leads to chaos. Because you know how I felt when I got off the train this morning? I felt like I wanted to kick someone. Hard. The kind of kick where they fall on the ground and then I pretend like 'oops! you totally just tripped on my small little foot and I can't believe you fell down and I'm just POSITIVE you've done nothing to deserve that at all! carry on, carry on.'. But I didn't kick anyone. Instead, I let it fester until I could recharge myself with two glasses of prosecco and some popcorn cooked in duck fat (awesome! not gross at all!). So I guess, in the end, I salvaged the day. But if anyone crosses me on the train tomorrow,  there will be blood.


Images: La Perla, Laura George

Workin' on it.

Image: Where is the Cool via The Inside Stoop

Pet Peeves

I realize I am only an amateur designer and the only portfolio I have is in my head but when it comes to design, I have a lot of opinions. In fact, I have so many opinions and pet peeves that I've decided to compile a list. In the interest of time and also your attention span, I'll spare you the full list and stick to the highlights.

1) Art work that isn't the right size for the wall

What's the tiny thing next to the door? This simply will not do.

 All too often I see framed art that doesn't quite take up enough space and this annoys me.  When I see a small painting all by itself on a large, long wall I start to feel nervous and my eyes dart around the room looking for companions to hang next to or around it. People. If you have a large expanse of space, fill it up! Take a chance and blow up a photograph until it is so large it practically looks pixelated. Create a gallery of matching prints or hang a bunch of unrelated items a la Kate Spade's showroom. In the long run, your walls will have more visual impact and your space will feel homier and more sophisticated.

Much better, no?

2) Rooms that are too 'matchy', AKA 'theme rooms'

Something is not right! Something is quite wrong!

This really drives me crazy. I grew up watching HGTV and other design shows and while their tastes and range have improved over the years, I am concerned by the lingering attitude that a room has 'style' and is 'decorated' simply because everything in the room is coordinated. This does not show any personality nor does it show you have any taste. This only shows that you can make things match. That's just lazy decorating if you ask me! Your space will be a thousand times more interesting if there is a variety of color. Your rooms have your stuff in it and this stuff hopefully took years to accumulate! I certainly hope you have not spent the last 10 years buying things that are only Tiffany blue and chocolate brown. Decorating should be an organic process and it can take years. It should not be completed in an afternoon at HomeGoods.(Though I love me some HomeGoods.)

I know. There's a lot going on here. But isn't it exciting?!? There's so much to look at!

3) Lack of pattern and texture

Good bones but too white! And too sparse! And PLEASE buy an accent rug!

One of my former employers decided that my style is decidedly "English" because I like a lot of texture and layers and for everything to be crowded together. While she was referring to flowers, I think this also applies to my style in interior design. I adore pattern and texture. They are stimulating and sophisticated and oh so versatile. The bolder the better. Rooms that lack both pattern and texture just look flat and boring. They feel cold, like a waiting room. Even the smallest hint of pattern can make all the difference in a room so if you can't quite commit to bright colors or a big floral rug or toile wallpaper, start small and introduce patterned pillows for your couch or textured placements or tablecloths, which can be changed when you get bored. Even the smallest little touches can make all the difference.

Rooms don't require bright colors to add depth. These neutral colors emphasize the subtle patterns.

4) The 'Build a Room' Technique

This room is lovely but seriously lacks personality.

Everyone has at least one friend who is guilty of going to one store and buying the bulk of their furniture and decorative items all at once. In the age of Ikea and CB2, this isn't the worst you can do. But please for the love of god, spend the rest of your days adding in some variety so I don't walk into your house and think I have stepped into a catalog. At some point I will drink too much and start referring to your furniture by their store-given names. Do you mind if I perch on the edge of your Karlstad? Wow, I didn't know the Triumph Lounge Chair came in this color! It will happen. I promise you.

I love the variety of style and substance in this dining room.

Last but not least...

5) Design Trends

Just a few recent trends...

Hey, I love faux bois, coral and cardboard antlers as much as the next girl but if you have too many trendy items all at once, it begins to feel like you decorated with a list.  Danish Modern console? Check.  Eames Chair? Check. Birch Tree Wallpaper? In every room. I'm not saying I'm against any of these things or that I haven't fallen for at least three trends every single year but there is a line that must be drawn somewhere. Your home should be a reflection of you and your style and tastes.Who else has your taste? No one, that's who.

Let's also be honest here: sometimes we buy stuff because it is fashionable, not because it necessarily fits us. (Ahem, Skinny Jeans) God knows I love me some rainbow-colored bookshelves but they are not for everyone or for every room.  While they might look amazing against your white walls, surrounded by your neutral couch and love seat, they would look completely out of place in my living room, where they would compete with the other colors and patterns in the room. Also? Don't waste your money on something that you might get sick of in a year or two once it goes out of fashion. Books can be rearranged and that lucite chair from Ikea can be sold on Craiglist but that coat rack with a giant mustache on it that was on virtually every blog ever? In another six months no one is going to want that shit. Your tastes will change from time to time but unless you can afford to redecorate as often as you replace your toothbrush, I'd stick to stuff you know you will want to have around for forever. And by 'forever' I mean 'until you have to move and decide to overhaul your entire style from scratch'.

Images: Elle Decor, The Home Show, Domino, Real Simple, Living, Etc,  CB2, Apartment Theray, My Deco

I tried!

I haven't been too inspired lately, especially when it comes to decorating our apartment. There are several reasons:  I've been busy at work, I've been focusing a lot of attention to making elaborate hand-made gifts for my friends and I haven't had the money to buy some of the larger pieces the place needs like a TV stand and a table for the kitchen.

I think it's also time to admit that my enthusiasm has waned over the last few months because Hanna announced that she will be moving out when our lease is up in April. We put a lot of plans on hold due to financial constraints while Hanna settled in and now it feels pointless to invest so much time and energy and money in a place we might both vacate in three months time. Of course, there is the chance I will stay and find another roommate and that's why I probably shouldn't give up. I just don't feel as excited anymore. I feel like I made so many plans and then never got to bring them to fruition. As a result, our apartment still feels unfinished.  Tear.

One thing I can do while I figure things out is focus on my bedroom because I own everything and will take it with me no matter where I go. This headboard, for example, is enough to occupy my mind grapes for quite some time. It's easy to make on my own, the materials are inexpensive and it goes with everything. Best of all, I could attach it to my current bed frame so I don't have to buy a new bed!

Image: Design Esquire via AT: NY

R.I.P.

It is a sad, sad day. Conde Nast announced today that Domino Magazine will cease production. Conde Nast CEO Chuck Townsend said, "This decision to cease publication of the magazine and its website is driven entirely by the economy. Although readership and advertising response was encouraging in the early years, we have concluded that this economic market will not support our business expectations."

I am considering painting my bedroom walls black.

Visit the Domino Magazine Website while you can.

Image: Domino Magazine